Our little white dot

 

Feb. 26, 2021

 

Dearest little one,

So today’s the first day I saw you. Been seeing social media posts from other mommies posting this kind of picture but I never really cared. Until I finally had my own.

Few weeks ago, I’ve felt strange and weird feelings inside me. And I’m almost quite sure that you’re the one responsible for it. 😊

I’ve never felt anything like this before. Everything’s just so uncomfortable and weird and I always feel sick. Yes, it’s because of you. I’m just being honest here, ok? Don’t get mad (wink!).

But let me tell you about my 1^st doctor’s visit.

I’m quite certain that you’re already inside of me because I took a PT and it’s positive!!! But doctor seemed not convinced at first when she went over my records (she’s also my OB by the way when I had a checkup 3 years ago because of my PCOS). You see, little one, mama has these conditions that usually make it hard for women to have a baby. First, I have PCOS in both ovaries. Women with PCOS usually need OB’s help – months of treatment with a lot of meds to take – before they can successfully have a baby. I didn’t have any. Second, I have retroverted uterus which means quite a number of tricks should be done first before a successful conception. Also, mama’s already in my 30s which would make it harder to conceive, as other people would say. And I also have a low uterus (if that’s the right English medical term of it), which will require a lot of bed rest.

I have friends with these conditions and it took long for them to finally have a baby. Some don’t even have yet as of this moment.

But you, you just came and surprised mama and papa like that!

So you see, little one, you are such a warrior and a fighter and our very own tiny miracle.

And when doctor finally zoomed you in in that monitor and told me, “there’s your baby”, oh my God, little one, mama’s in tears!!! I was trying hard to hold it back because mama’s shy but you brought those happy tears. You were just that tiny little white dot over there (7 weeks) but you made mama cry – of happiness, of course!

And when I showed your picture to papa, he was also in tears. And I was in tears again, hahahaha! You should know you are that much loved, little warrior. And we are really really happy to have you.

Some of my closest friends know how afraid I am regarding my condition before. For the past years, people have always been telling me to get pregnant already because I’m not getting any younger and with these complications.

But mama just can’t do that easily.

She wants to be really ready for you – financially, most importantly. She and papa work hard to be really ready for you but deep inside, mama’s also VERY afraid that when she’s finally ready, you won’t come easily, or worse, you won’t come at all.

And she keeps that heartbreaking thought to herself, every single day, before.

You see, our little warrior, mama didn’t come from a well-do family. She experienced all the struggles of being poor at a young age. And even when studying, she had to do things on her own. One day, when you are old enough, mama’s gonna tell you her story. But as of now, these are the reasons she never wanted to rush things about marriage and having a baby. She wanted to have you and raise you and provide for you well. She wanted to make sure you are not going to experience what she had experienced. She wanted to be responsible.

For you.

I guess you know mama and papa are already ready. Besides, we have planned to do our wedding this year, anyways.

So thank you for coming at exactly the right time, our little miracle.

And for coming easily without making mama and papa wait too long. It’s as if you know that mama’s now really ready for you.

So that’s all for now, our little white dot.

I still have a lot of things to tell you so be sure to hang in there and be healthy, ok?

Mama and papa will do everything to keep you safe until it’s time to finally meet you.

We are so excited!

We love you …

 

Always,

Mama & Papa